Hello, I'm High Strung

 It has come to my attention that I may be....high strung. 

According to the dictionary, high strung means "at great tension; highly excitable or nervous; edgy" - and I presume that is not the COOL kind of edgy. It's the kind of edgy that makes your heart race and your palms sweat. The kind that, on occasion, people can feel wafting off of you in waves of tension and anxiety. 

I think it's genetic. My grandma was always anxious, on edge. And Mom, if you're reading this, I hate to tell you, but you are too. :) I take comfort that after talking with my cousin, she feels the same way I do. At least I'm not alone!

Unfortunately, this is at odds with my preferred and ideal way of living. I would much prefer to not feel like a complete mess when I forget my daughter's parent teacher conference and end up sending no less than 6 apologies rapid fire. To not feel this permanent knot of tangled worry in my gut all of the time. To be able to not dissolve into tears when I make a mistake at work (oh yea, that's happened more times than I care to admit). 

What it boils down to is this: I take things too seriously and care too much. I care about how well I perform my job because I don't want to negatively impact someone else. I care about my friends and family because I want them to be happy and do what I can to help with that. I care about not being perfect, because that means I might make a mistake and mistakes can make people hurt. I care about not hurting feelings and saying the right thing. I care about people I know and the people I don't. I am a contagious crier (a term I just picked up from The Sun is Also a Star which I would recommend) that hurts when others hurt. 

This leaves me wandering - how can I still care, but not let it diminish my happiness? 

I think that caring is necessary. 

Period. 

However, caring too much, is a challenge. Not to mention there have been so many times that I have been the epitome of the proverb "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".  There are so many times that I think that I'm doing something that's for the best of someone else, when in fact it's more harm than good. 

What I need is, like so many things, a balance. I need to care, but know where the line is of it being too much - or taking on things that are not mine to carry. This is something that I've been testing out over the last few months, and like any time you try something new, you suck at it first. I feel like I've been on a  pendulum swinging back and forth between the extremes, but sometimes passing through the "balance point". Each time, I swing, I worry about the destruction that I leave behind, most of the time forgetting the fact that, while I never want to purposefully do harm to anyone, 

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS

I can try to monitor what I say, but I don't get to choose if someone else finds it offensive. I can try my best to communicate, but I don't get to choose if someone thinks I've blown them off by forgetting to respond to a text. I can buy a thoughtful gift, but I don't get to choose if someone else doesn't hold it in high regard. 

This is a challenging concept for me to accept, but one I feel is vital for me to learn to embrace if I ever do want to strike a balance with my caring. For now, I'll take it one day at a time.

Peace in Chaos

To say that it has been a whirlwind of a month feels like a gigantic understatement. Also, has it really only been a month???

COVID19 has swept through the world turning our lives upside down. It's terrifying to watch the news and see the fear and anxiety gripping the world. Fear of illness, losing loved ones, losing jobs, running out of essentials, going to the store, and I believe the all encompassing fear of the unknown. We've all added new words and phrases to our every day lexicons: sheltering in place, social distancing, novel virus, self-quarantine, essential, flattening the curve, and more. These have become common place in daily conversation, now taking place over the phone or Zoom.

There's no denying that this is a scary and uncertain time, however, I've been truly bolstered by the beautiful acts of kindness and humanity occurring. The first time that I saw a video of Italians holding a make shift concert on their balconies to help reduce the feeling of isolation while sheltering in place, tears sprang to my eyes. In the midst of the chaos, they showed up for each other and gave each other hope. The hope doesn't stop there. The stories of people creating cloth masks and donating them to health care workers and other essential employees brings hope. Stores having special hours for only the high risk and elderly brings hope. Gifts of generosity to those struggling to pay their bills brings hope.

For me, I began to notice that all of these acts of hope had another link trailing with them: gratitude. I found myself being thankful for all of these amazing people doing incredible things. Once I tapped into gratitude, I began to feel a little better. Like anything in life, there are things we can't control, but we can always control how we react to the uncontrollable. I've chosen to combat some of my fear and anxiety with hope and gratitude.

Each morning, I find myself waking up and listing no less than 10 things that I'm grateful for. What I've noticed that has recently changed from when I began this practice months ago, is now my gratitude is heavily rooted in the temporary present. This morning, it went something like this:

1. I'm grateful for the current health of my family today. I hope tomorrow that is the case as well.
2. I'm grateful for my husband who has really been my rock and the fact that our marriage is strong.
3. I'm grateful for my kids and the joy they bring.
4. I'm grateful for the roof over my head and walls keeping us protected.
5. I'm grateful for my job today that allows me to help society, work from home, and pay my bills.
6. I'm grateful for the food in my pantry and fridge; that we'll have 3 meals and even dessert today.
7. I'm grateful for the ability to FaceTime my mom so even though we can't be together, I can see her face.
8. I'm grateful for hearing from my sister more often.
9. I'm grateful for all of the healthcare workers putting themselves in this new line of fire and making the hard choices to save as many loved ones as they can.
10. I'm grateful for all of the essential workers that have helped the world continue to spin with some sense of normalcy. They make sure food is on the shelves, mail is in our boxes, clean water comes from our taps, trash is off of the streets, etc.

We can never know what tomorrow will bring, but we can certainly be grateful for all of the big and little things today. After all, life can change in an instant.

What are 10 things that you are grateful for today?

Happiness is.....

reading/listening to a wonderful book that transports you into it's world and stays with you a while when you're done.
traveling to the moon with my kids.
playing Unlock! with my husband.
concerts and shows with my mom.
chocolate.... all the chocolate.
adventures big and small with my best friend.
therapy sessions with friends, both as the "therapist" and as the "patient".
finding something you thought was lost.
laughing until you cry.
group hugs and family dog piles.
goofing around with my sister.
hearing the kids say "I love you" and feeling it with all my heart.
cleaning and the house when it's all clean!
all 5 minutes that the house stays clean....
delicious food.
date nights (with delicious food).
memories of Dad.
snow, when I don't have some place to drive to.
traveling to places I haven't been or returning to those that I love.
the mountains and hiking in them.
the smell and taste of a glass of flavorful red wine.
lilacs.
extended family time in Grand Lake.
that feeling when you succeed at something that challenged you.
making someone else's day.
white beaches of the Florida panhandle.
finding the perfect gift for someone you care about.
doing the right thing.
runners high.
checking things off of the to-do list.
the first day you can breathe through your nose again after being sick.

What is your happiness?

Habit 3 Check-In

Oh man, time. 

It's always the catch. 

Trying to find the space in my day to exercise is ridiculously tricky. I've been doing my best to find time to take a "lunch" break at work. I'll grab my book and head down to the gym to walk for a bit on the treadmill. True, I'm not working up a sweat, but it has felt nice to get moving. 

The real breakthrough came this week after doing some research. I found a way to sneak in some movement and hang with the family, especially the kids. Last Monday, we purchased Ring Fit Adventure for the Wii Switch and it's caused some changes in the house. The kids are actually enjoying things like squats and lunges. Sure they're staring at a screen while an avatar is running gazelle like through fields, but they're still moving!

It's become a new family bonding. We are all vying to hold the record for the various solo exercises and mini-games. It has started to get down right competitive!

I don't know if it's the endorphin release, the goofy time with the kids, or the mandatory "Victory Pose" at the end of each round, but the fit game does make me feel pretty happy.

My middle munchkin's victory pose.

Habit 3: Happy People Get Exercise

"Exercise may very well be the most effective instant happiness booster of all activities."

 - Sonja Lyumbomirsky

There really is nothing like exercise to clear the head and relieve stress. Trouble for me, as with a lot of people I'm sure, is simple: time. 

There's only so many hours in the day. While I know that I should prioritize exercise at some point throughout the day, so many other things always bump it off of the schedule. Time with my kids, my husband, my friends, work, chores all take priority. 

What I think it comes down to is making the time to exercise feels like a selfish act. I'm guilty of not regularly putting my needs on the To-Do List; responsibilities and everyone else's needs come first.  We've all heard the analogy of the oxygen masks on airplanes, right? You are supposed to put your mask on first before assisting other passengers. If you don't take that first step, you'll be useless for anyone else. 

This week I'm going to try to make exercise a priority. I'm going to put on that oxygen mask and take some deep breaths. I think everyone can survive without me for 30-minutes :)     

Habit 2 Check In

"You never fail until you stop trying." 

- Albert Einstein

This week has gotten away from me a bit and I didn't put Habit #2 into practice as planned. I continued to complete the brain dumps in the morning, however, time was short and they weren't as complete as they should have been. Truth: the gratitude practice was forgotten...

There is a board game that we acquired as a family called Happy Little Accidents, based on Bob Ross and his happy trees and clouds. It is a fantastic family game night experience. All three of my kids could play and have fun, which is a big deal with the age gap between the  4 and 11-years-old. 

The premise of the game is to create a beautiful picture from a squiggle (AKA: a mistake). The morale being, of course, to not be deterred by mistakes, but to move on from them and keep trying to make something beautiful. 

Today's take away:

         #1: Happy Little Accidents is a fabulous board game you should go out and play for yourself!

         #2: I'll keep trying to apply Habit 2 into my day before we move on to Habit 3...

Habit 2: Happy People Feel Gratitude

"Mom, did you know that when you smile, a person will smile back at you?" - My 4-year-old kiddo.

Every November we are reminded to be thankful. Families gather around the dinner table and, much to the chagrin of my children, are asked to take turns and say what they are thankful for. It really is a wonderful practice, but one that should happen more than once a year. 

After a particularly dishearteningly thankless day with my three kiddos, I put myself in timeout. All day the three of them had been demanding, forgotten their manners, and were being, well, kids. Right before my timeout, the youngest, 3-years old at the time, had just thrown an epic fit because I asked her to help clean up her own mess. 

Stewing in the solitude of my room, I wondered how I had failed them. How could they be so ungrateful for everything they have? Well, for starters, they are kids and not understanding how lucky they are comes with the territory. However, I was determined to make sure they started to consider all the great things they have more often. 

That night at dinner, I announced to the family that each night, we would go around the table and say one thing we are thankful for. Caveat: it had to be something new each and every night; no repeats. 

This new ritual started a dialogue about gratitude. My husband and I talked with the kids about what it meant to be thankful, and we talk about all of the things that we have to be grateful for. We talk about having ample food, clothes, electricity, heat; a roof over our heads and toys in their rooms. We talked about having gratitude for our current health and happiness, and for all of the love in our lives along with the friends and family to share it. 

I regret that after a few months, the ritual faded until it finally stopped all together. 

It's a practice that I would like to bring back with my family, but also with myself. 

Seeking and truly feeling gratitude for your life is amazingly transformative. The magic is that you can apply it anywhere, anytime. For example:

• Caught in traffic??  - What a great opportunity to have time to bond with your kiddo trapped in the back!
• Had a rough day on the job?? - Find gratitude in having a job that helps you pay your bills and take care of your family. You can even find gratitude for those challenging days that help you grow and push you out of your comfort zone.
• Have to pick up your husband's dirty socks off the counter AGAIN??* - Okay, this one might be tough to find gratitude in, but hopefully you love him so darn much that you are grateful for the man that he is and can laugh it off.

*These are all hypothetical situations. Any resemblance to actual situations (living or dead) is purely coincidental.

I'm not saying that happy people go around with rose colored glasses accepting horrible jobs and dancing with their husbands stinky socks gleefully. 

What they do is look for the bright side in situations and remember to take the time to be grateful for what they have instead of complaining or always looking for the greener grass. They remember to not take things for granted, but to find the good purpose in any situation. 

I've already quoted her once in my short little blog, but I am such a Maya Angelou fan I'm going to just drop this right here:

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou.

Chose to change your attitude to one of gratitude!

Beginning today, I am going to add conscious gratitude to my day. At the end of my brain dump every morning, I'll wrap it up with three things that I'm grateful for. At the end of the day before turning out the light to hit the hay, I'm going to reflect on three more things that I'm grateful for from my day.